How do I convey a lifetime’s experience in two weeks? I arrived at Ashi Meraya without my baggage, still in New York. Though this did mar things a little, from the outset I knew that this was the place where – perhaps this would be asking for too much – I could be healed and purged of a lifetime’s depression and self doubt. It was like paradise, but with mosquitoes.

Psychologist David Maggs, in Ashi Meraya with Maestro Don Alfredo

Photo Courtesy: David Maggs

I had felt some trepidation about taking ayahuasca. From past ‘bum trip’ experiences of my youth I feared the unpredictability of being taken somewhere I had no control over… god knows what demons I might encounter, would I go mad and never return? Despite my initial misgivings my first ayahuasca ceremonia was sheer bliss. It was like the prelude of a classical symphony, a taste of all the leitmotifs that were to come, moments of tension, moments of sweet resolution. The jungle embraced me like a child allowed back into the Garden of Eden. I marvelled at the beauty of the ‘surroundings’, a lush luminous world that the ayahuasca allowed me to see. ‘She’ (I see ayahuasca as a very powerful and bountiful woman, albeit a little possessive) seemed to like me – what a pleasant surprise. I had the revelation that the world is indeed a magical place and that there are literally spirits everywhere, especially in the jungle. If only everyone could see them! I laughed out loud (which I thought I could never do) and cried, not out of self pity but from empathic connection to humanity. I wished that my friends and family could feel what I felt. Each ayahuasca ceremony was different, alternating between ecstatic and more ‘challenging’ experiences. Though I learnt that I could ‘intend’ certain things I was not (consciously at least) the author of each story. It was as if ayahuasca has a very uncanny way of getting to the heart of each place and part of myself that I wished to explore; throughout each experience I sensed a current that propelled me along which I can only describe as healing.

Psychologist David Maggs…having a clay bath in Ashi Meraya

Photo Courtesy: David Maggs

I do not wish to wax lyrical too much about my eight ayahuasca experiences. Not meaning to sound like a crackpot, for it has been a little difficult to describe to the friends and folks at home that I have a jaguar as a spirit ally, ‘saw’ my ex wife as an (angry) duck, and (sounds to good to be true, but you can have a lot of fun when taking ayahuasca) also ‘saw’ Led Zeppelin in concert the very night they performed in London (a dove taught me how to ‘fly’ there, you see). And to my psychotherapist’s chagrin, I underwent a recapitulation of my life, from my infancy through to adulthood. Years of therapy in two weeks, and at a fraction of the cost. Have I been ‘cured’ of depression? It’s too early to tell. Some ‘thing’ was purged out of my system, which seemed to take the form of a phosphorescent squid-like creature. Yet I now feel like a healthier person, physically and emotionally, having discovered an inner strength and resources that I never believed I had, and which I know will be there no matter what vicissitudes life will throw at me. I lost a bit of weight, too. But I am still the same old person, albeit happier, more confident, and with tons of insight. The challenge for me now is to find a way to integrate all this into my personal and professional life. This could take a lifetime. I would have been lost if it was not for the hard work and passion of Don Alfredo, my shaman, my ‘hermano’ and soon to be, my ‘tio’ (that’s another story). Do not be deceived by his humble demeanor and short stature! He must be the most powerful and impeccable person I ever met. And he works so damn hard. His icaros sustained me throughout each ceremony; he would make sure that everyone is contained within his the sphere of his protection. Sometimes bad spirits would come to spoil the ceremonies which he would fend off, occasionally he left me alone to test my mettle against some of the lesser imps that I was able to swat away mentally. At the end of each ceremony there were feelings of euphoria, heralded by the many ‘espiritos buenos’ that descended onto the cabin, like ravellers at a party who do not want to leave. In a nutshell, within the space of two weeks I have met a man who embodies the warrior spirit of the shaman, from whom I want to learn a lot more. So I think a longer plant diet would be in order the next time I go. In addition to the day and a bit that I spent in ‘non ordinary’ reality I had a wonderful and enjoyable experience at the retreat. Not having amenities was not too much of a hardship – simply you go to bed when it becomes dark, and wake around daybreak. Though there was not much to ‘do’, there was plenty to digest and meditate on. I enjoyed many moments in my hammock smoking mapachos and reading Dickens. The ‘banos’ were curious yet very cleansing experiences. Being coated in clay for two hours was actually quite pleasurable. The shamans make sure that you are prepared for the ayahuasca ceremonies, cleansed and smelling like the jungle. I understand that you don’t get this same level of preparation anywhere else around Iquitos. Life became very laid back (and never boring) for two weeks. I’m sure that I never saw anyone rush about apart from the one time I saw someone run to answer a mobile phone. The people of Ashi Meraya made it a very special experience for me. The Garcia-Ramirez family looked after me like I was one of their own – I experienced an unconditional warmth and generosity that makes British families seem emotionally stunted. I left having made friends for life. Clever proved to be more than a translator, he was a companion and guide who showed me around Iquitos and the surrounding areas. Though he seems laid back, I was struck by his conscientiousness and warmth. Don’t get me started on the food… local grown fruit and vegetables that have real flavor (unlike the miserable specimens you might find in a supermarket), comforting fried plantain and rice, and grilled freshwater fish never tasted so good. Even the pre ayahuasca vegetable broth for lunch had a certain je ne sais quoi. But it was dish of venison that proved to be a real treat, as cooked for me by the beautiful Ester, who I have vowed to marry…

I cannot endorse enough Ashi Meraya. I realize that it may not be for everyone, for ayahuasca is not a experience that can be ventured into lightly. Though I remain agnostic (I’m not really concerned if there is a god or not) I now certainly believe in spirits, I saw them. My immense gratitude goes to Francesco and Ignazia for their hard work and dedication setting up El Mundo Magico, and for enabling pilgrims like myself to see beyond the veil of consensual reality.

David Maggs, Psychologist, London, U.K.